Friday, December 23, 2005
chaos approaches....
oooo tis the season to be a retard fa la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaa
Everyone...send Don some comforting chi energy to try to rest his frantic heart and mind....the man needs some calm...send him calm.
I work in 4 hrs.
It is gunna be a freakshow....Jerry Springer-ish i bet. All the desperate, last minute freaks trying to get shit done in crowds and deadlines looming! INSANE!!
I admire ppl that dont buy into the garbage...I dont believe in god...or christmas, in fact I think its a monumental waste of good resources but yet damn those twinkly lights all to hell i love to buy ppl stuff. I am evil...I love to make ppl stuff too but that requires a lot of time and planning that is hard to come by.
One year I decided i was making some of my little witch concoctions for everyone in lieu of a
bought gift...I was very into making all these granola head lip blams and herbal ointments from olive oil and beeswax and freakishly expensive essential oils etc...used to sell them as well...so I decide im gunna make HOME MADE CHEST RUB...mmmmmm camphor...eucalyptus...tea tree...wintergreen ...peppermint oils...we wont talk about the cost involved at the end of it all...but damn that shit smelled good....nothing like getting a 20 fucking dollar jar of chest rub for xmas that u could have bought at the drugstore for 3.00 hahahahahahah doi! Oh well it was fun! I had the time then to have projects and hobbies and hunt the beaches for beachglass and other various treasures for driftwood projects...I have the time to grate beeswax and try to get the best beeswax at the cheapest price from the beekeepers...I used to make bread and sell it...full of seeds and other goodies...bread that could sink a tanker it was so heavy...it made the best toast.I used to write more...draw... I used to be a better mom...ooo the good ol days hey!
Oooo well it is what it is...
I have 12 cents in the bank (I RULE) hahahaha
this entertains me...Im usually a little better off but the 3 paychq month has me all outta whack...weird how that works...
I have decided I wanna make out under a pistachio tree as the nuts are cracking open over my head....how fucking cool woud that be!!??????
My child is an ingrate...she will NOT go to the store and get me yogurt....and this RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS TIME????!?!?!!? bold hey? She is reading this as I type, laughing at my dramatics...she will pay...she will pay dearly....MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
While u are sending good vibes out....send some out to Lucy too plz who is currently undergoing treatment of a radioactive nature...
im off....ta ta!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
living in the now...
im not sure im so good at that...it feels limbo-ish...not in a negative way but...even though i dont worry about shit like RRSPs & old age pension survival it can be difficult to just live in the present and not think ahead...
another life lesson...gawd by 40 im gunna be a genius...ok maybe not.
work today was mental...the next 2 days are going to be nutty...I close Dec 23rd and holy hell thats gunna be a freak show...thank gawd i have 5 days off afterwards.
aunty cathy is a lovely house guest...she did all the laundry the other day...has cooked dinner and damn near had it on the table 4 when i get home from work...she does dishes...shops...damn...its like heaven!
we enjoy kicking her ass at cards too.
fuck i really wanna be profound tonight but i dont think i have it in me...I rarely seem to have anyhting profound to say...Ooo wait thats b/c im NOT actually profound as an individual MuHAHAHAHAHA
oops i always forget that.
another life lesson...gawd by 40 im gunna be a genius...ok maybe not.
work today was mental...the next 2 days are going to be nutty...I close Dec 23rd and holy hell thats gunna be a freak show...thank gawd i have 5 days off afterwards.
aunty cathy is a lovely house guest...she did all the laundry the other day...has cooked dinner and damn near had it on the table 4 when i get home from work...she does dishes...shops...damn...its like heaven!
we enjoy kicking her ass at cards too.
fuck i really wanna be profound tonight but i dont think i have it in me...I rarely seem to have anyhting profound to say...Ooo wait thats b/c im NOT actually profound as an individual MuHAHAHAHAHA
oops i always forget that.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Ghetto Sponge-Bob
WOOOO frikkin HOOOOO
Jen doing a big awkward silly looking HAPPY DANCE....YeeeHaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guess who got a job in Victoria today??? GUESS??
? yeah! DON! woooohoooo Merry Xmas to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Ok so its not in Vic, its in Sidney but thats not that far...better then Bumfuck Comox, BC alright! yeeehaaaaaaSo excited I could pee!
Vikings Rule
Don's in town today briefly for a job interview....*squeeeeeel*
I have everything crossable crossed...
I am doing the dance of PLEASE GET THIS NEW JOB DOWN HERE SO I WONT PERISH dance and making up voodoo spells to curse all other applicants....
It sounds like a PERFECT Don job...
plz o plz o plz o Universe...shine some loveliness down on the Don and make this so!
4 more days of work then I have 5 off...holy hell itll be frantic busy but I can't wait 4 all the activity...baby sniffing...lover loving...family freakiness...itll be grand!
Saw NARNIA last night....was quite lovely...I liken it to a Lord of the Rings for kids...I enjoyed it.
Ayla loved it...I am hoping she will now read the books ive been trying to get her to read for 5 yrs.
Monday, December 19, 2005
popcorn fart brigade
Xmas looms closer...
I generally think xmas is retarded and the obligatory nature of it pisses me off and i hate but this year its all feeling different 4 me...not b/c i give a flying fuck about xmas in general but b/c its gunna be so different...I am dragging my 1st boy home to meet the family (something I always avoided)...and get to SEE him which is a treat all in itself...and I just have a good feeling about it...which is not typical haha
Helps that Aunty Cathy is here now...we have a lot of fun. Last night after some rounds of Old Maid we all damn near pissed our pants from laughing so hard...b/c Cathy lost EVERY hand hahah
Tonight after work im meeting Cathy and Ayla down town to see the Narnia movie...that will be good...Poor Don is ILL and probably wishes he would die right about now... :(
Looking fwd to seeing the family...esp Maddie the wonder baby...omfg im such a loser i went out and bought a bottle of Johnson's Lavender whatthefuckever baby lotion stuff so i can use it and smell BABY all the time now! hahahaha Thats bordering on disturbed im sure.
Aunty Pam called last night and Ayla blubbered for a while after...how she adores her aunty pam...its quite sweet and annoying but more sweet. haha
All week im working middle shifts...this will make 4 a more productive week thank gawd...then im off the 24 25 26 27 28th....Oooo the blissssssssssssssssssssssss
Boxing Day I will be ferrying over to Comox to spend the night at Don's which will be interesting...ive been wanting to see him on his own turf.
Bruce is back among the living somewhat...this is a good thing b/c I was in serious abandonment mode...
OK....gotta fly....
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
if we all lived on fantasy island and u got to pick ONE thing to get 4 xmas what would it be??? ANYTHING????
Friday, December 16, 2005
$$$ $$$ $$$ Do ittttttttt
CLICK HERE if you are feeling generous this season...
(thats Joey!! ---->)
Give Joey a helping hand. He is a real life person, I went to school with his sister and knew him when he was a wee brat...he is still here despite cystic fibrosis so buy a damn bracelet already u cheap twats!
I am getting one...not only yo help but b/c my name starts with a J so its perfect haha
joeywhitford@shaw.ca
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow...
Oooo it is a friday night in the chilly city of Victoria BC....
Ayla's in a decent mood...Bruce is MSNing me FOR ONCE and making me laugh...saying Hugh Heffner copied HIS life style, not the other way around. ha!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACEY!!!
I am wishing for cashews & chocolate....
Don is currently watching DONNY DARKO & I am eagerly awaiting his critique.
2nd time I watched it with Erica we talked our way through it and it made more sense....I quite like it...
I am going to boil myself in the bath shortly...
Ayla's in a decent mood...Bruce is MSNing me FOR ONCE and making me laugh...saying Hugh Heffner copied HIS life style, not the other way around. ha!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACEY!!!
I am wishing for cashews & chocolate....
Don is currently watching DONNY DARKO & I am eagerly awaiting his critique.
2nd time I watched it with Erica we talked our way through it and it made more sense....I quite like it...
I am going to boil myself in the bath shortly...
the nerve!
I just got dressed for work and my kid laughed at my outfit.
Please spank her when you see her next.
Over the knee...don't hold back.
Please spank her when you see her next.
Over the knee...don't hold back.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Funeral/Tourette's Update
recent email from Deanna:
re: the tourette's woman-
-i swear i have never noticed her anywhere in town before and then yesterday i saw her in the walmart parking lot AND at the thrift shop. i think she is following me....
Mute Tourette's!! ---->
back up the truck...
last night , after a recent epiphany, I decided to do some journaling...so I get out my *JEN JOURNAL* as opposed to the one I keep for Ayla...and the one I write to my brother in...its a pretty little thing I got fromn JerriAnn...covered in lovely faeries...so I start reading it and it starts in 1998 and good gawd its funny reading....full of all sorts of wisdom
*see right hahaha* ---->
Anyway...so im reading and im a little taken aback by the recurring issues etc and im giggling b/c some of it is so fucking retarded...it makes me want to burn it but i wont.
I got so into reading it I didnt even write in it...
it's like a bad soap opera...with a lot of swearing and mindful self examination.
I dont work til 230 today...I havent closed in ages...this will seriously impact my Don Time...although im sure he will put his night to good use and actually get something done for a change.
Today...I have a few tasks to complete and work on...I completely blew the agreement Don and I made about making each other something 4 xmas...I am making him something but I have also already filled it with shit i didnt make hahaha although TECHNICALLY I made the $ myself soooooooooooo in essence i made the gift right? MuHAHAHAHAHAHAH yeah ok dumbass.
I have never had a *man* join me for xmas with my family before...in fact ive generally never been with anyone I that I liked having around my family...once I had a guy come to my aunts wedding and what a damn horror show that was. ugh Anyway...Im quite looking fwd to it, it is going to be fun and weird thats for sure b/c I know Don doesnt miss ANYTHING and some of my family members are gunna crack him up.
I was planning to really freak Ray out this xmas (Kelly's husband Ray, who is always wanting me to hug him and I refuse) with something I planned this summer but im not sure I can now...I think id have to be pretty liquored to do that and Im not sure I wanna go there now haha
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Email of the Day:
brought to you by Deanna~
so I was at that funeral the other day....
the place was filling up quick and I found a seat next to this refined looking middle aged woman dressed in full-on funeral garb.
I realized quite quickly that she had ummm .....some issues. Turns out she had tourette's... so all through this service that was all quiet and solemn she flailed and twitched and grunted and barked like a dog. *ruff ruff.....uh huh uh huh....ruff...snort...grrrr... giggle giggle....uh huh uh huh...ruff* with her hand whipping out unexpectedly and whacking me repeatedly on the arm. It was very fucking disconcerting, I gotta say.
Rob Pequin is who passed on...sorry to say. I havent seen him in a long while but I know hes left some very lovely daughters behind who will miss him dearly.
I will always have fond memories of Rob and piggy-backing him down Sutherland Street in high school with Jackie (she had one leg) boogying up behind on a crutch she could motor on like nobodies business...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Jumpin' On Mom's Bed
Don & Jen and Jen's Double Chin
Friday, December 09, 2005
Tick Tock Tick Tock
.....time is ticking ever so slowly.... Don and Sprogs should arrive within the hour....the house is as tiddled as its gunna be and I smell as good as I am ever gunna hahha
work was RETARDED today...one man down and busy as a mofo....add in some training and technical snafus and u have yourself a fucked up day...the new girl is a hoot...she will fit right in...she is odd and trashy like the rest of us.
Ok im gunna go get real excited and try not to throw up....
Earwigs According to Granny
This is for Vicki...he he he
I'd never seen an earwig on the prairies but when I was a kid and moved to the coast my Granny was quick to tell me that an earwigs main goal in life is to try to get into humans ears and crawl to the brain and drive the person mad.
This ST
UCK in my head...much like the JAWS movie i saw at 10 yrs old, forever ruining swimming for me.So....alls well and good...earwigs are gross...none ever ate my brain and drove me mad...
But poor Ayla...one time she was out in her coo
l fancy playhouse built by her Uncle Jimmy...and she came across her harmonica (you know where this is going dont u) and held it up to her mouth to inhale to play and OHHHH LOOOKKKK ITS FULL OF EARWIGS.........argggggg!!
She makes the most amazing grossed out face when you ask her about it to this day...Im pretty sure that ended her career as an olympic harmonica player.
*shiver*
PS Don and Co are coming today....*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeel*
Thursday, December 08, 2005
People I spend 8 Hrs a day with and don't hate
Sassy Mandee
The Holy Stapler
Swammy Mike, meditating
Smiling Mel...smiling b/c shes not enduring another Winterpeg winter this year
Mike & Mel
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Cranky Wench
I feel like being profound but...its just not coming to me tonight...I have one nerve left and my kid is stomping on it like theres no tomorrow...
I am trying to break down why it is im so highly irritable but ... like being profound, its not coming to me.
I didnt see any ass crack today sadly... although I did see a woman who im sure put her make up on in a very dark room...I love watching my kids face when we see something weird on the street...her eyes bug outta her head and she looks over at me trying to make sure I didnt miss it haha
I am still really looking fwd to the weekend...it will be so relaxing and nice to hang out...get lost in the experience...suck up the bliss of someone thinking youre the best thing since sliced irish bread...Oooo yeah...this doesnt happen to ppl nearly enough...feeling like theyre likeable. Should bottle the feeling and sell it. Ok wait let me clarify that...it does happen to some ppl far too often (im sure the greedy fucks dont appreciate it) but hasnt happenedto me NEARLY enough. haha
the day of butt crack....
ok heres a funny work story...
yesterday a guy comes in...this is the guy who will only deal with me at work and says stuff like *its too bad youre married, id like to take you out* ... so he comes in to discuss an issue with me, and is quite upset as he just had back surgery - well I guess he felt the need to PROVE it b/c he turned around and his shirt flew up and he yanked his pants down exposing a lovely surgery scar AND HIS ASS CRACK. Ooooo yes...all I could hear from the back from Mike behind the mirror/glass is *is he MOONING you???!!!* hahahahahhahahahahahaha hows that for a highlight of the day! I know you are all jealous.
My bladder is so ready to explode right now I cant even describe the sensation to you all.
2 more sleeps and my sweety will be on my door step....wooooohooooooooooo
Bladder calls....good day to u all!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I am back in smoothy land!!!
Yes! I have frozen berries again so life is good!
I work til 7 pm tonight...ugh
I am having nail biting trauma...i am now down to 6 nails from my previous 7....so I am ON THE WAGON and will stop washing my hands if thats what it takes to keep them out of my mouth...
damn oral fixations (muahahhaha)
House is looking pretty rough this week...looks like a wrapping apaper bomb went off...boxes and crap everywhere. I opted to bypass a tree this year as there just isnt any practical place to put it and since we wont be here for XMAS itself wtf...the place is all lit up like a mofo though.
Im giggling at Microsoft's greed in its hurried release of the new x box piece 'o crap thats not working worth a shit for anyone...whatever happened to quality product?
All my shopping is done...I spent all yesterday finishing up...only a few loose ends left now
.
Ayla Mz Snoopy Pants has discovered the link to this so I cant spill the beans about what I got her so...(HAHAHA AYLA!)
Ayla's trying hard to be a good sport about the weekend...we had a really nice morning for a change...we talked...and laughed and ranted together before she was off to school. I know she will be a good little sprog and behave for her mom this weekend cuz I KNOW its important to her that im happy....(are you throwing up yet Ayla?) hahaha I love you you little arse!
I watched 2 FATHER TED's last night...Oooo la laaaaaaaa I found myself a little disturbed that Dougal in Elvis garb really turned me on...
I work til 7 pm tonight...ugh
I am having nail biting trauma...i am now down to 6 nails from my previous 7....so I am ON THE WAGON and will stop washing my hands if thats what it takes to keep them out of my mouth...
damn oral fixations (muahahhaha)
House is looking pretty rough this week...looks like a wrapping apaper bomb went off...boxes and crap everywhere. I opted to bypass a tree this year as there just isnt any practical place to put it and since we wont be here for XMAS itself wtf...the place is all lit up like a mofo though.
Im giggling at Microsoft's greed in its hurried release of the new x box piece 'o crap thats not working worth a shit for anyone...whatever happened to quality product?
All my shopping is done...I spent all yesterday finishing up...only a few loose ends left now
.Ayla Mz Snoopy Pants has discovered the link to this so I cant spill the beans about what I got her so...(HAHAHA AYLA!)
Ayla's trying hard to be a good sport about the weekend...we had a really nice morning for a change...we talked...and laughed and ranted together before she was off to school. I know she will be a good little sprog and behave for her mom this weekend cuz I KNOW its important to her that im happy....(are you throwing up yet Ayla?) hahaha I love you you little arse!
I watched 2 FATHER TED's last night...Oooo la laaaaaaaa I found myself a little disturbed that Dougal in Elvis garb really turned me on...
Monday, December 05, 2005
Waiting.....
gay men take forever to leave the house.....
ok...the IN A COMA disc 2 acoustic cd is I think the most brilliant Matt Good creation to date...I hope all his future endeavours are similar in nature b/c he really shines.
i am starting to panic about this month...i so suck at chaos...perhaps an extra prozac will take the edge off....that or irll gimme an eye twitch. sexy
more babble later...
ok...the IN A COMA disc 2 acoustic cd is I think the most brilliant Matt Good creation to date...I hope all his future endeavours are similar in nature b/c he really shines.
i am starting to panic about this month...i so suck at chaos...perhaps an extra prozac will take the edge off....that or irll gimme an eye twitch. sexy
more babble later...
another sunday gone...
it occurred to me tonight that this month is going to be INSANE...insane in a good way....lotsa company coming and going...the whole xmas thing *ugh* (it is a great excuse to have time off work and see ppl you don't get to see often enough though)...busy at work...some prep work that needs to be done...swooning and pining...its a hard life isn't it?
this weekend will be fun/scary...meeting Don's kids...gawd if they're even half as critical and demented as mine is it'll be REALLY interesting. haha the weekend will be grand though...
tomorrow is Costco shopping day with Shawn...toilet fixing day...mailing crap day...run around like a chicken with its head cut off day...
what are your xmas plans?? do tell.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Holy Hellacious Hermaphrodites
a neighbors smoke alarm keeps going off...its driving me mad. I dunno whether to panic and run thinking shes lit the damn place on fire or kill her 4 being too damn cheap to replace the battery so it stops going off...idiot.
Bruce has surfaced...I want to talk to him RIGHT NOW but if I called him at this hour and he did manage to get his phone he would likely break my neck as its 740 am on a saturday morning. I also need to talk to Connie...its been a week...that is far far far too long...
After today i get 2 days OFF in a row.....ooo the bliss...
Question of the Day: wheres the weirdest place you ever masturbated?
Bruce has surfaced...I want to talk to him RIGHT NOW but if I called him at this hour and he did manage to get his phone he would likely break my neck as its 740 am on a saturday morning. I also need to talk to Connie...its been a week...that is far far far too long...
After today i get 2 days OFF in a row.....ooo the bliss...
Question of the Day: wheres the weirdest place you ever masturbated?
an oldie but a goodie
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
Friday, December 02, 2005
Neener Neener Neeeeenerrrr
Ok this is my New Years Sob Story....
I have somehow never had a decent boyfriend on a new years eve...once I did sort of but I think he was asleep by 11 pm.
Anyway the one yr I was so excited to have a bf for the occasion it was sadly my kids dad...and come midnight the said bastard was not only NOT kissing me happy new year he was on the phone with some other girl. *extreme olympic eyeroll*
So since then Ive been fairly ANTI NYs Eve...but then...guess what? This year...I get THE SUPER KAHUNA PRIZE OF ALL NYs PRIZES!!!!!! Yes! its true....not only will I have a bf at NYs BUT hes driving down to make sure I get smooched at midnight...this is just friggin brilliant.
..and to top it all off thatll make it possibly a 3 visit month MuHAHAHHAHAHAA im such a greedy hag.Bruce has recently moved and I have yet to track him down...he has been rather elusive for quite some time now...I may have to kick his ass.
Speaking of Bruce ~ he made the mistake of sharing this old halloween picture with me recently so im posting it b/c it is funny as all hell....he is a good clown! *BURN*
My toilet is broken...its functional but we have to MacGyver it to make it flush.....
My xmas shopping has begun...I intend on being damn near done by monday...im keeping it pretty simple this year...
OMG LOOK! VICKI is being TOUCHED by HENRY ROLLINS........ARIKA!! LOOK!
Grrrr
I am not fond of this template...I do not like the colors but im too thick to easily find the spot in the code to change them haha and those yellow whateverthefucks they are on the sidebar are driving me MAD and i cant find the code for them either...arggg! I shall endure.
I dont work til 10 today...and yes I did wake up at 545 am but that is a 15 min SLEEP in compared to normal so...im going with it as a good start to the day.
Don is being a good dad and is out at this hideous hour delivering papers with his daughter...isnt that endearing? I wonder if id do that for my kid? hahahahaha Yeah I would...she'd flash me her big brown chocolate chips eyes and do her fake crying routine and would suck me in....brat.
Xmas is under way...I am almost done my xmas cards and need to get them mailed...I also need to get busy and order some crap from Sears tonight as well...still got room on that card MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA <--- crazy debt ridden laughter!
Anyone seen the Johnny Cash movie yet, WALK THE LINE? I am dieing to see it...I think I will this weekend...someone gimme a review....please....enlighten me.
Seen anything else lately thats worth sharing? Kelly...what was that movie we saw when u and your mom were here, about the Scottish kid and the fake dad? I wanna own that.
NARNIA is looking cool...ive been trying to get my kid to pick up those books for a few yrs now but she wont....maybe the movie will inspire her.
I wanna put my tree up...but...I have an issue of space...as always...I need to go nuts and rip the bedroom closet apart and make it more space effective to cram shit in it...maybe on Sunday thatll be a project I can try to avoid.
LEAVE NOW IF U HAVE A WEAK STOMACH
B/C IM GUNNA SWOON & DROOL:
ok...Ive been kinda quiet on this topic...I know but holy hell...Mr G...aka Don...aka my sweet lovah babe...is fab fab fab...examples if his fabulousness:
~he is a groping-touchy-feely octopus like myself
~he speaks freely to me, without withholding...
~he is funny...smart...literate and writes like a mofo
~he is considerate, mindful of my feelings and a gentleman
~he isnt TOO much of a gentleman thank gawd (MuHAHAHA)
~he possesses impressive talents in areas I shant speak of but im sure u can guess
~he plays guitar...and that gave me a total BONER!
~he is fearless in my presence
~he is a forward mover...despite many reasons to stagnate
~he is a package of loveliness
~he is mature and sensible but doesnt lack the retardation required to be with me
~he and I share similar interests but are different enough so that we have other things to offer the other (and he doesnt drink/smoke/drug) woot woot!
OK ill stop now....I could blather on for 12 yrs...but i wont...I promise not to turn this blog into a big mushy fucktard swoon saloon...I just needed to purge & shout....thank you for not deleting me.
